


Save My HeavyDirtySoul

by Area50Dun



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-18 04:55:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13092843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Area50Dun/pseuds/Area50Dun
Summary: So… I kinda wrote this in my head while having a shower and quickly wrote it out as soon as I was out. It was supposed to be a multi chapter but I kinda hit a block once this was on the page and I was no longer in the shower, being a depressive fuck. So I’m posting it anyway, as an open ended one shot.Tumblr: https://area50dununiverse.tumblr.com/





	Save My HeavyDirtySoul

**Author's Note:**

> So… I kinda wrote this in my head while having a shower and quickly wrote it out as soon as I was out. It was supposed to be a multi chapter but I kinda hit a block once this was on the page and I was no longer in the shower, being a depressive fuck. So I’m posting it anyway, as an open ended one shot.
> 
> Tumblr: https://area50dununiverse.tumblr.com/

Tyler’s legs ached a little. He hated stairs, let alone flights of stairs. Fifteen to be exact, fifteen flights of stairs he had climbed. He figured that the ache didn’t really matter, nor did the hard beating of his heart. Nothing really mattered now. Not anymore. 

He swung open the door and the cold air hit his face, biting at his flushed cheeks. He shut the door behind him and took a deep breath before walking further out onto the rooftop. It was windy up there but he supposed that didn’t really matter either. 

A few more steps towards the edge and Tyler stopped in his tracks. There was someone else up there, of all the times for another person to be on the roof, it was now, when Tyler had mastered up enough guts to jump. 

The man sensed his presence and turned, looking at Tyler with a blank face. He was sitting on the wall that ran around the edge of the building, a foot or so away from the safety barer and Tyler stepped closer.  
“Why are you here?” He asked. Tyler was never one for making small talk so his words came to a bit of a surprise to himself. 

The man looked back out with a shrug before saying, “I’m looking at the view.” He was colourful. Bright red hair against pale skin and Tyler could see the colours of a tattoo running the length of his arm, greens and yellows. He couldn’t see what it was and that annoyed him for some reason. 

Tyler nodded and took the last few steps before joining the stranger on the wall, looking out over the city. You could see for miles from where they were and Tyler thought everything looked grey and dull. That was, except from the colourful man beside him. “Why you doing it?” Tyler finally asked. 

There was a few seconds of silence before the man shrugged again. “I need out of this subscription they call life.” He looked at Tyler again, his hair blowing in the wind. It gave the impression of fire and Tyler thought it was cool. “I dunno man, I didn’t want this,” he said, his eyes looking down once before they flicked back to Tyler. 

There was another stretch of silence. Tyler thought about the stairs, the wind and how long it would take to fall before he hit the ground.  
“You?” He heard the colourful man ask from beside him. He looked at the man and watched his hair again. “I hear voices,” Tyler said, telling this stranger something he couldn’t tell anyone, not even his family. But he figured it didn’t matter now. 

“Not in a crazy way,” he explained, watching the mans bright red strands whip around in the wind. “It’s like, a voice that’s always there, criticising me and reminding me how useless I am.” Tyler had never said it out loud before and it almost felt good to finally tell someone. No one understood him, not even his loved ones. They all thought he was a drama queen, throwing tantrums and crying all the time. 

“That sucks,” the stranger said, his eyes focused on the tall buildings ahead. Tyler hummed in agreement. He wanted to ask but couldn’t find the words. He kept his eyes on the man, waiting for him to speak.  
“I just…” He looked back at Tyler, a sadness behind his eyes that Tyler couldn’t bare. He looked at his shoes, instead.  
“It sounds stupid-”  
“No it doesn’t,” Tyler quickly answered, even though the man was yet to give his reason.  
“I get anxious,” he said, “sometimes it’s unbareable and I can’t leave the house or get out of bed. I’ve pushed everyone away.” 

“That’s not stupid,” Tyler said, looking back at him and saying, “you’re reasons are valid, you’re valid.”  
There was silence again and Tyler couldn’t help but want to save him. He didn’t want this colourful man to hurt himself, to end it, he wanted him to be alive, to be colourful. 

The man shifted and when Tyler looked, he was standing, his eyes looking directly ahead. Tyler followed, getting to his feet but looking down. “I’m glad you were here,” the man said, “I’m glad we’re not alone.”  
“Can we-“ Tyler looked at man, pausing his sentence to consider. The man waited, his eyes looking into Tyler’s and Tyler decided that he had nothing to lose. He left his sentence unfinished but instead held out his hand. The man didn’t hesitate to take it and Tyler smiled. 

They both stood on the edge, the cold wind biting Tyler’s face, the man’s red hair still blowing in all directions. Tyler felt calm for the first time in forever as he gripped the man’s hand tightly in his own. 

“I’m scared,” he spoke, drawing Tyler’s attention again.  
“Of falling?” He asked, daring to look down once. He didn’t really like heights but he supposed that was the point wasn’t it?  
“Of hurting someone,” the man said, “look at the people down there, what if I landed on one of them? What if someone saw me land and I ruined their life?”  
Tyler suddenly felt selfish for not even giving the people below a thought. The idea hadn’t crossed his mind but now it had and he felt sick. “I don’t want to hurt anyone,” he said. 

“I didn’t think about that,” Tyler admitted, “I’m too selfish. My family are right, I only think about myself.”  
“That’s not true.”  
Tyler didn’t care that the man didn’t know him, his words still put him at ease. His denial of Tyler being everything he thought he was settled him.

“We don’t have to do it,” he said, meeting Tyler’s eyes, “we can try again, get help?”  
“I don’t have anyone that can help,” Tyler answered, looking back down at the tiny people. If only they knew what was happening above them.  
“You have me?”  
Tyler looked back at the man, his hair was still bowing about like fire and his eyes were more sincere than Tyler had ever seen on anyone before.  
“Really? You’ll be my friend?” Tyler frowned, his voice cracking slightly. The man gave Tyler a wide smile as he said, “of course.”  
“My apartment is in this block,” Tyler said, “wanna go down?”  
The man nodded and so did Tyler.

•

“My name is Josh,” the man said as he took the mug from Tyler’s hand. He had made them both a strong coffee and judging by Josh’s shaking hands, he needed it.  
Tyler,” he answered, gesturing for Josh to sit on the couch. He felt strange, like he wasn’t supposed to be there, back in his apartment with a stranger he was already calling a friend. 

They fell back into silence. Neither of them had spoken on the way down from the roof. Tyler didn’t know what to say. He watched Josh drink his coffee, his shaking hands never slowing down. 

“Are you anxious now?” He asked, making Josh look up from his mug.  
“Always.” He scoffed before taking another gulp of the hot liquid.  
“A therapist once told me to pick my favourite song and try to sing the chorus backwards in my head,” Tyler said, “that way, you’re concentrating on that so much that you forget to get anxious.”  
“Did it work?” Josh asked, the corners of his mouth turning up a fraction like he knew the answer.  
“No,” Tyler shrugged, “but it might for you?”

Josh smiled then, a real smile that Tyler subconsciously returned. “Do you regret it?” Josh asked, a sudden shift in his demeanour. “Not doing it I mean, do you regret it?”  
“I don’t know,” Tyler answered honestly. He felt tired and he was still cold. His brain felt numb and he hadn’t decided how he felt yet. “Do you?” 

Tyler wasn’t sure what had happened but Josh was suddenly crying and Tyler was holding him tightly against his chest. “It’s okay,” he whispered, “it’s going to be okay Josh.”  
Tyler closed his eyes, resting his chin on the top of Josh’s head, rocking him back and forth. He didn’t know whether to believe his own reassurances, he didn’t know if everything was going to be okay and he was scared. But right now, Tyler just wanted to make it better, make Josh happy and to maybe fix him. He would save himself later but first, he had to save this colourful man.


End file.
